Open Letter: It’s OK to not want kids.
By Anonymous
Dear self,
From the time we were little, we learned that kids grow up to be adults and that adults get married and have kids. There was no other option and no other example. Every adult got married and every adult had kids.
It seemed so wrong, so out of place, for an adult to not have or want children. But I never really wanted them.
Little girls would play with barbies and toy babies and pretend to be mothers but I tore their heads off in rebellion.
I could never picture my future with kids. I could never see myself being a mother, not as a little girl and not now as an adult.
My entire life, every time that topic would come up, I would say, “I don’t want kids.” My announcement was always met with shock or disbelief.
“Why not?”
“What do you mean you don’t want kids?”
“Oh, you’re still young, you’ll change your mind eventually.”
“One day a man will change your mind.”
Yes, I am young, but what if I don’t change my mind? What’s so wrong with that? Why is it expected that a woman will get married and have kids? Why is it unacceptable, disappointing or sad when she doesn’t?
Is our value as women seriously placed solely on our ability to bear children?
Pregnancies and weddings are the biggest celebrations in a woman’s life. Even if she is educated, rich and successful, she will still have failed if she didn’t settle down and pop out a couple babies.
It’s a topic that haunts me all the time. Will I ever be able to find someone if I don’t want kids? Should I just settle?
It seems like my options are to either agree to have kids or be alone forever.
But that’s not the case.
Kids are beautiful and wonderful, and that’s great for everyone who wants them.
But it's OK to not want kids.
There is more to life than getting married and having babies. There is more to life than to constantly worry about whether or not you will find the one.
Start celebrating small and big wins in your life. Make a bucket list of everything you want to do in your twenties and go do it.
Travel the world. Work hard and accomplish all your dreams. Do what makes you happy.
And if you stay single and childless the rest of your life, know that you lived.
It doesn’t matter what everyone says you should do. It doesn’t matter what everyone says will make you happy.
You know who you are and you know what makes you happy. Trust yourself. Go with your gut.
Live your life.
Love,
R
Header photo by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi / Pexels
