Calm your mind: Tips to retrain your brain to manage overthinking
By Alicia Casey
Photo by Liza Summer / Pexels
You may often feel stuck between an all-too-familiar metaphorical rock and a hard place. That rock being getting down to business and moving forward with your little ʼole life, and that hard place being double checking everything you do and second guessing your hard work, which can lead to overthinking. And as you likely have experienced at one time or another, existing in that confusing in-between place is nothing short of exhausting on any level.
The Berkeley Well-Being Institute describes this phenomenon of overthinking as a repetition of unproductive, negative thought patterns in an individual. It’s different from rumination and worry since it doesn’t focus on the past, present or future, but on a combination of thoughts that are bunched together and are sometimes unrelated. While overthinking initially developed as a way for the human species to evolve over time — to solve complex day-to-day problems and efficiently plan ahead — it can also be a real deterrent to achieving our goals and functioning to the best of your ability.
If you’re wondering how to get ahead of the overthinking tidal wave that sometimes reaches your shore, there are a few ways you can set up a sand dune wall to protect yourself. To start, consider using that anxious energy to retrain your brain. Instead of focusing on the “what-ifs” and “shoulds” of your day, look for the “what ares” and “what can bes” that surround you. This doesn’t have to be a whole day’s practice either. You can work on this skill by simply noticing the things around you that bring you joy and comfort instead of the ones that reinforce the overwhelming narratives in your mind.
From there, you’ll be in a more restful headspace, which will allow you to analyze the cognitive distortions you’re making. Journaling can be a great tool. Pull out a piece of paper and a pen, or open the Notes app on your phone, and make a list of the unrealistic thoughts you’re currently having. Make sure to leave at least one blank line under each one. In that whitespace, challenge your unhelpful thought patterns by calling them out for what they are: black and white thinking, jumping to conclusions, personalization, should-ing or must-ing, mental filters, overgeneralization, magnification or minimization, fortune-telling, comparison, catastrophizing, labeling or disqualifying the positive.
And you can reinforce your progress by using the self-compassion tools of positive reframing, healthy distraction and gratitude. All you need is yourself and an open mind to start with these happiness-inducing activities. For positive reframing use the “X is happening and X is also true” structure to approach issues — “it’s difficult right now and I am looking for ways to get through it” and find a sense of inner ease. Then when you’re feeling more peaceful, write down your unpleasant feelings and then make plans for the rest of your day so you can have space from them. Maybe you’ll go grocery shopping downtown to that place you’ve always wanted to go, or you’ll hit up a local bookstore — anything works. And to tie it all up, incite gratitude by reflecting on where you were when you started and where you ended up.
Photo by NW Production / Pexels
By confronting your overthinking instead of running in the other direction from it, you are developing your distress tolerance skill set and learning how to show up for yourself. Looking at the bigger picture is not easy and there will be setbacks along your journey, but you will identify strategies for loving yourself through them. Building out this arsenal of tools is the difference between you being on fight and flight mode and you entering your next era of life. When you make the intentional choice to be there for yourself each day, you might just find that things change for you in ways that you’d always hoped they would. Take a chance on yourself, you deserve it!
