7 signs of a healthy, thriving relationship

By Alicia Casey

What’s better than rewatching Meredith Grey’s and McDreamy’s relationship unfold for the thousandth time? Having a fairytale romance of your own! Well, maybe it’s more of a daydream than a fairytale, but nevertheless, it’s possible for you and your partner to get on that Grey’s level — and reaching that point doesn't have to be difficult either.

All you need is a little love, trust and emotional vulnerability to get where you want to be. Whether it’s building your romantic bond or having those tough conversations, healthy relationships rely on mutual respect and understanding to get the job done. Here’s our list of the top seven relationship green flags to keep in mind that will change the course of your dating life as you know it.

1. There is a consistent emphasis on strong communication

According to a 2017 study, relationship satisfaction over time is determined by the quality of communication between you and your partner that you develop as you start dating. What determines if a relationship will be long-lasting or short-lived? Licensed psychotherapist Jude-Treder-Wolff said it’s whether skillful communication is used. That means being transparent and honest with your significant other in a manner that’s kind and non-confrontational. After all, you are trying to create understanding and reduce feelings of distance.

2. You feel that your emotions are heard, received and valued

Healthy partnerships have a solid foundation of respect, safety and support. They should be validating and make each person feel acknowledged and listened to, while also leaving room for growth. A healthy relationship does not involve gaslighting or name calling, said Robin Finley, a licensed marriage and family therapist. It sounds cliché, but the key is to listen, and listen well, doing so encourages empathy, which leads to nurturing closeness among partners.

3. Conflict resolution skills are the glue in your relationship toolbox

When disagreements spark, thriving couples know how to settle them with the least amount of emotional damage. There is an understanding that while conflict is inevitable in any relationship, it doesn’t have to be earth-shattering or painful. In fact, if you are great at managing conflict, your relationship will likely focus on constructive communication and improving future interactions, rather than blaming or fighting to get your points across. And of course, you will know when to let things go, because at the end of the day, it takes two to continue fanning the flames of a conflict.

4. You recognize that you are both committed to growth mindsets

Instead of believing that your relationship patterns are set in stone, you choose to see them as fluid and changeable. Try to cater to your partner’s love languages and communication style and ask them to do the same. It might take some time to find a flow that works, but it will make your bond stronger overtime. This allows room for you both to recognize that things do not have to stay the same indefinitely, and that they can be improved through consistent effort and practice. With this belief, you and your partner should be able to establish strong boundaries and expectations that help you develop both as a couple, and as an individual.

5. The things you care about align and even complement each other

Having similar basic values increases your functional compatibility as partners and reduces friction in communication. It can sometimes be the difference between walking on eggshells and flying free in the presence of the person you love. Not all of your core values need to match, but a handful of them are needed to feel somewhat in sync in your relationship. Our belief systems are derived from our fundamental values, so it’s important to investigate if they positively correlate with your partner’s as well.

6. You rely on mindfulness to bring you closer together

Observing, rather than reacting, is a sure indicator of a relationship that can stand on its own. Partners who engage in mindful behaviors are more accepting and appreciative of one another. They show up to interactions without preconceptions or expectations, and use reflective communication which fosters a deeper connection. As Forbes reports, what sets mindful relationships apart is the ability of partners to develop individuality and emotional intelligence through self-expression and self-awareness.

7. There is an air of wonder and discovery between you two (curiosity)

Engaging dialogue and disclosure are the pieces of the puzzle that keep intimate relationships young. One study found that curiosity is linked to social closeness and cultivating a youthful and interesting relationship. Being open to meeting new people and trying out new experiences are signs that your relationship has a thread of curiosity interwoven in it. As far as relationships go, being flexible with plans and receptive to new ideas are two ways to determine if curiosity plays a role in your dating life.

Where can you and your partner go from here?

Just like with gardening, maintaining a functional relationship looks different for everyone. Sowing the seeds of a healthy relationship takes time, energy and care. It’s not something that just happens overnight. If you’re looking to strengthen your roots with your partner, writing down a list of “what’s working” and “what could be improved on in your relationship” is a great place to start.

Alicia Casey

Header photo by Monnivhoir Aymar Kouamé